**queue mystical solemn background music**

Well now, I guess it's about that time. I "finished" Peace Corps four months ago it and it has taken a while to come to terms with the reality of it all. Being back in the hustle and bustle hasn't seemed real, especially since I haven't had a job to go to or a routine to keep. I've woken up each day still feeling as if I'm in a dream. Is this my bed? Do I have something to do today? Are there really no goats outside? Is that actual cheese in the refrigerator?

Well ok, maybe not that uncanny but still a little crazy.

Anyway...the dream slowly became real and I find myself now realizing the heavy truth: the Mongolian adventure is done and it's time to end the blog. It's not all over, of course. Mongolia will always be with me in my dreams and memories and dirty idiosyncrasies. But since I'm not actually in the country anymore I am running out of clever updates for this medium.

I'd like to try and sum it all up -- provide a neat conclusion for the whole thing that would let every reader know right away what the essence of it was. But what in life is that tidy, that free of loose ends?

All I can say is I loved it and hated it. Mongolia took me apart and laid me out for my own eyes to see and put me back together all askew. I'll never be able to think of it without thinking of the times I danced ridiculously and alone in my ger for happiness over some small breakthrough, or the times I sat brooding and smoking West cigarettes and cursing into the fire about some small inconvenience. Light and darkness, Yin and Yang.

A lot of people have asked questions since I got home, and they tend to follow a pattern. So maybe I could answer some of them here as part of this rambling synopsis:

1) Was it what you expected? I don't remember exactly what I expected but I know I could never have anticipated what I found. I think when I joined Peace Corps I had a picture in my mind of a volunteer meandering down the street with a smile on her face, holding a basket of fruit and being trailed by 20 jolly kids. All posterlike. I certainly could not have expected stalking down the street with a scowl on my face because 20 jolly kids were following me. But things like that happened. Some days you just want to blend in and, if you're a foreigner, you can't. You're homesick and tired and just not in the mood for so many happy munchkins. Other days, though, I laughed because the people in the store were so interested in the toilet paper I was buying.

In short, I expected it to be different and difficult but I didn't expect the contrast between light and dark, happy and angry, manic and depressive to be so incredibly sharp.

2) Was it worth it? Damnright. Peace Corps made me angrier and sadder and lonelier and crazier than any other thing I've done in my life. It made me question my sanity sometimes in the mirror. And if someone somehow backed the whole thing up with a remote control and gave me free reign I'd do it all over again. The only way to learn is through experience. There's no way to say it without it coming out as a cliche but it is true.

As for the work...well it's true you don't save the world all by yourself. You don't do half the things you maybe hoped to do. You don't eradicate AIDS or turn a small illiterate village into an English speaking thinktank. If you're looking to do Big Things and rewrite history...it probably won't happen in Peace Corps. But you'll do something for someone. Someone will take your picture and keep it in their prized album for their whole life long and they will tell people you were their teacher, their friend, their neighbor. They'll remember you and they'll keep you in your heart just the same as you will always carry them with you in yours. They will remember that you cared and they will care about you. Their only picture of where you come from won't be from the television. So yes, it was worth it.

3) What will you do next? The road goes on forever and the party never ends. I have a new job in a new world. For those of you who don't yet know, I've taken a position as group leader at a therapeutic wilderness camp. Now, instead of living alone in a felt ger in the middle of the Mongolian steppe, I will live with 10 or 12 emotionally, behaviorally and/or criminally challenged young ladies in a wood frame tent with plastic tarps in the middle of the deciduous forests of Virginia.

Piece of cake, no?

I am excited. I've found a new challenge -- something entirely different than anything I've done before and someplace where I feel I can do something worthwhile.

My hope is I can use the experience and peace I found in Mongolia to inspire confidence and healing in the girls I work with in Virginia. One student already told me, the day I interviewed at the camp, she hoped I might come work there so I could tell her about Peace Corps.

"I wanted to do it and my teacher told me I should research it. So this must be a sign," she told me.

Maybe it is. All I know is these kids are amazing and I want to know them better.

In closing, I just have to tell you all that I am thankful in my soul for the support and interest you showed me while I was in Mongolia. Thank you for reading and thank you for standing with me. I could not have lasted two years away from home if I did not know you kept me with you in some way and you would be here when I got home. I love you and I am confident our paths will continue to mingle in beautiful ways.

Should you for some reason experience withdrawal from reading this blog and need more ramblings, it is possible I will post notes from the wilderness here:

http://www.myspace.com/pcmarmot

But that will be a different adventure altogether.

So endeth the "Mongolia Blog" and peace to everyone!

Carrie

"Stand in awe and sin not. Commune with your own heart, and in your chamber and be still. Selah." Psalm 4:4

Well it's late and I can't sleep so I thought I'd hit you with some more thoughts on readjustment.

It's such a strange feeling...not easly to explain. There's a constant lowlevel weirdness about everything...not intense but just there.

Waking up in my own house and getting coffee in the kitchen is strange. Taking baths is strange. Being in the same room as family members or friends is strange. Looking for work is really strange.

The hardest part so far is visiting. Everyone wants me to do it, and so do I, but the timing is difficult. For the first time in years I'm having to think and plan weeks in advance.

This week I'll go to Lynchburg. Next week Fredericksburg. Maybe I'll swing up to DC while I'm there. My sister wants me to visit in September and I'm going to the Grand Canyon in the last part of that month. And when will I get a job again?

The visiting itself is exciting and great but the sad truth is there's no way to fit all the moments I want into these short trips, and then I'm stuck wondering when the next trip will be and what I'll get to say then. I never say what I want to. Either there isn't enough time or the words aren't there. Tough break after two years of thinking I knew everything I would say and when.

Ultimately I know there is time for everything and that time will stretch out over weeks and months and years. I know I don't have to worry...should ride the waves out and enjoy them as I go.

These first ones are rough ones though, and increasingly I'm feeling sand in my mouth.

OK it's been so long since I've posted I don't even know if anyone is reading this anymore...

But here I am at home in Virginia and I feel like I should probably find a way to wrap up this here web journal. Who knows who will read it in months and years to come as they think about going to Mongolia or learning about it...I'd hate for them to think I posted twice from China and then dropped off the face of the earth on my way home.

So like I said, I'm here. My travels through China and Spain were interesting and relaxing (but tiring at the same time!). The meandering route proved to be a great way to wind down between finishing up Peace Corps and arriving back in the thick of American culture. I hiked the Great Wall and slept in the grass outside ancient walls. I wandered the narrow residential streets of Barcelona and popped into espresso shops for afternoon coffee. I ate quiche in Placa de John Lennon very near my friend Margaret's apartment in Barcelona and I stretched out by the Mediterranean at Sitges.

And finally I found myself on a plane bound for Virginia. Before that actually it was a plane to Chicago and then a transfer to a standby flight to Dulles. That turned out to be interesting because I ran into my old college friend Rebecca at the gate and we ended up sitting next to each other for this final stretch of my journey home.

I can tell you there are few feelings in the world better than finding you have an old friend to catch up with during the final two hours of a 2 year absence from home.

There is so much to write and not all of it will come out tonight...I suspect I might post a few more times yet on this blog about readjustment and reverse culture shock and the idiosyncrasies of trying to fit in again in one's own life.

But for now let me just say I am happy to be home and I feel warmed in my heart when in the presence of my friends and family. Of course I miss Mongolia and it is with me in my thoughts always.

I look forward to sharing the stories in the coming months.

Another post from China. I can't really see what I've posted before because the site doesn't always come up right. But I hope it's making sense. =)

I'm in Datong now after having seen the hanging monastery caves of Youngang yesterday. Both amazing places! The caves have more than 51,000 Buddhist carvings in them...absolutely stunning to see.

I can't really describe all these things on the spot over internet. Once I collect my thoughts and have more time you will see more.

For now let me stick to the subject that has so entertained me for two years. Transportation!

We left Xi'an the other night on a sleeper bus to Pingyao. I didn't sleep much because it was crowded and I was concerned about pickpockets. Had heard they are common on the buses. It smelled and there were people all around my bed. Laura had the worst deal...her bed was in the middle of the bus. At least I had a wall. But the other passengers were pretty nice and there were no problems. The best part was when Laura woke me up at 4 am and said 'we're here.'

I got off the bus and said:

'But this is a toll booth.'

The porter was taking our luggage off the bus and we were a little confused and tried to tell him the guitar wasn't ours. That's when two New Zealanders came off and all was explained. They asked if town was close and the guy said 'kindof' i gather and pointed. They spoke a little Mandarin. So we treked a couple k until we saw the city walls of this ancient Ming town rise up in the mist. Stopped on a street corner to eat breakfast and Jeremy, a New Zealander, played guitar and we gathered another crowd of curious Chinese people. When it got light we went into town and found a hotel to stow our bags for the day (we weren't staying the night) and had tea and then wandered around.

Spent the day in Pingyao and headed out in the evening for Datong by what we thought was sleeper train. Get on and discover no no...we got standing only tickets. The train was otherwise sold out. Soooo....there we are in the hardseats section with a million Chinese around us sitting and laughing as we walk the length of the train once or twice trying to find the odd open seat. For a minute we found some space between two cars that I would have been happy to stay in. At least I had good view of all my bags and something to rest my back against.

As it turns out Chinese people are amazingly kind and must have thought the foreigners would never survive this way. Some teens gave up their seats for us. Jeremy had no problems assimilating into the train culture...he squeezed in w/ some passengers and serenaded them w/ his guitar. They erupted into applause when he pulled it out. Laura and Alex and I sat around a table w/ some other Chinese...one of whom was a younger girl..maybe early 20s who spoke some English. I took her picture w/ her boyfriend...big guy I could have mistaken for Mongolian but nice all the same. I took soem photos of the train car to try and capture the crowdedness. A stranger came and wanted his photo taken w/ me w/ his friend's cell phone camera. I was happy to take it but it didn't turn out so well because he had no flash. He ended up chasing me down outside the station when we got off in the morning and taking another in the light.

Anyway it was one of the most uncomfortable rides I've had anywhere including Mngolia b/c I didnt' have anywhere to lean my head. So i slept for maybe an hour or two and crashed in the hotel room once we got to Datong. Still...despite the lack of comfort it was full of character and an experience I will never forget!

I'll share the rest when I get home but I just wanted to let you know. The transportation fun doesn't end in Mongolia!

Today I had my first full day in Beijing. Woke up and headed for Tianemen Square and the Forbidden City, two places I have heard you can spend the day perusing.
Unfortunately, almost everything in Beijing is being renovated right now. Nearly every building of significance is covered in green screens and scaffolding...all in preparation for Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. Much like Sukhbaatar Square in UB being covered in the same materials while they renovate for the 800 year anniversary of the Great Mongolian State. Only Difference: China prepared early. The 800th anniversary is upon us but the screens have not come down in Mongolia.
So...Laura and I saw the square and the many vendors offering lovely watches with Mao on them and his hand ticking off the seconds. Also Chairman Mao's greatest quotes compiled into a book with German, Russian, French and English translations. Or just pictures of Mao or such like.
Forbidden City was beautiful despite the renovation...so open and so many beautiful pagodas, etc. We went through it and north to Beihai Park...a lake and park surrounded by nice places to eat and things to see. Had lunch at a place known for budget Peking Duck. Must say it was delicious. And it cost 3.75 for a large plate of Duck. In fact I discovered I spent all of 15 dollars today...maybe 20 if you include lodging.
The park was beautiful...it was thunderstorming but we could see rowboats and peddle boats on the lake and gardens all around it. Tried to get into the Round City...which holds the last remaining evidence of the first Yuan ruler (Khublai Khan) ...a Jade jar. Of course the circular city is closed for renovations.
Left the river park and walked back to the hostel. Ate famous Beijing pancake with spring onions and other stuff inside it and a rolled up vegetable bean sprout tortilla thingy for dinner...all of which cost just over a dollar.
Tomorrow we plan to see the Temple of Heaven park and some other places. We will take an overnight train to Xi'an, spending two days there. There we will see the Terracotta Warriors and the city walls and other things. On the way back we will stop in Pinyao and Datong...Pinyao is one of the only remaining walled cities and i supposed to be really interesting. Don't remember much about Datong but Laura told me it will be cool and we should spend two days there.
We will come back to Beijing and do the Great Wall tour and mink Tombs perhaps in the same day. Also planning a trip to the shalom Monk king Fe theater, maybe the Summer Palace of the emperors and Chinese Acrobatics.
All in all it has been a great first day and I am excited about the rest of the trip. One thing I've noticed..This city is clean! All the major roads have wide underplayed that pedestrians use and sidewalks are huge. I guess when you have forced labor such things as public works are easy. It isn't as crowded as Bangkok though I have to say Bangkok had more character and less pollution. There is a constant haze here.
I think I would be culture shocked if I hadn't lived in Mongolia for two years and seen Bangkok already. Babies walk around with pants slit open in the back to avoid the need for diapers. Men are shortlist as Mongolians are or wrap their shirts around their upper bodies. Don't blame them it is really hot.
I personally have been enjoying the sensation of humidity. My skin seems to be drinking every drop of perspiration back into my body and wondering what the heck it is after the arid Mongolian semidesert.
Have been drinking lots of water to compensate for lost perspiration. And a few Tsingtao beers to require more water later. Tsingtao is a chinese beer developed in a German enclave of China. Thus it tastes good unlike most Chinese beer.
Anyway...am loving China. Have had no problems avoiding tourist trap vendors or large American chains..except for Starbucks where I enjoyed a tall rasberry frap today. McDonalds no longer calls to me.
Will write more later. Hope all is well at home.

It is 5:41 a.m. here and I just saw Sheila off to the airport from the PC Office. Her flight to Beijing is at 7:30, we hope. Several of my friends have met with flight delays -- one missed her connecting flight to India in Beijing and had to buy a new ticket at her own expense. Air China apparently isn't so accommodating with such things.

Anyway we had a pretty good last 10 days. Sheila and I have lived near each other for our two years and so, for better or worse, have spent a lot of time together. We decided to tie it all together with a trip out west and so we organized a tour through the UB Guesthouse.

So from June 4 - 12 we were traveling through Khar Khorin, White Lake, Hovsgol and other beautiful places in the western mountains of Mongolia. The scenery was so beautiful and so different from the eastern flatlands that I have come to know so well.

White Lake especially was amazing. We stayed in a ger camp there with an incredibly hospitable family. We asked if it would be possible to cook Khorhok (traditional Mongolian pot o' meat) and this is how it went down:

We arrived at the lake at 8 p.m. and settled in, immediately asking about the meat. Our host said he'd be more than happy to make Khorhok but wait...it was Monday night. Can't kill animals on Tuesdays because it is an important day in Buddhism/shamanism. However, if you're game we can go buy the goat now and kill and clean it tonight.

So Sheila and I jumped in the car, bringing our Swiss volunteer friend who has been in Mongolia 6 months, and Matilda, our British friend who traveled through Mongolia once and returned recently to work because she missed it so much. We left the other three members of our party behind -- two travelers and one freelancer who has been here for a bit as well.

We drove along the edge of the lake until we found a herder's camp and we pulled in to visit and buy a goat. The herders were more than happy to provide us with a big fat lady goat for about $40. Split amongst us all that would make for a nicely priced gourmet meal.

We brought the poor goat back in the car and our hosts made short work of it -- the slaughtering process here is quick and clean. They stun the goat quickly, make an incision in the underbelly, reach in and with one deft movement shut off the heart. Our worthy animal barely made a sound.

It took about an hour or a little more to skin the goat and wash the insides, so the camp hosts did not retire until well after midnight. But everyone involved was excited about the next day when we would prepare the picnic.

So we started the cooking around 11 Tuesday morning. The children collected rocks while the men built a fire and the women prepared the intestines. The rocks went on the fire to heat and then in a large pot with the meat, more rocks and some potatoes, turnips, onions and carrots. They filled the pot with water and sealed it tight. 45 minutes later the meal was ready.

All this may sound strange to you but it is delicious. It's one of the few occassions in Mongolia when food has taste. The meat simmers in its own fatty juices and comes out rich and ready. Everyone in our party seemed to enjoy it, though the tourists were a bit surprised at the gusto with which Sheila and I ate/drank the fat. Bridgitte, our Swiss friend, asked me this:

"Did you just eat that slab of fat?"

I looked at the bone in my hand, at Sheila, and shrugged. She was gnawing on hers as heartily as I on mine. Maybe we have been here a long time...

Anyway the meal was tasty and we all gave thanks to the goat who gave it to us.

Even after two years, Sheila and I were more than happy to relinquish the intestine soup to the host family as payment for all their assistance. Even as we were enjoying our meal we could hear them laughing and savouring their own. To a Mongolian, the glory is in the guts.

There are many other enchanting tales from our trip but I will save those for when I see you.

For now have a look at the photos!

http://carrieinmongolia.shutterfly.com

password is Mongolia

Take care everyone!

:-/

They punched a hole in my Peace Corps ID today...signalling a definite end to my 2 years of service.

I've spent today visiting programers and doctors and administrators -- getting all the necessary signatures to officially close everything out.

For the past week I have felt exhausted, mostly I think because all the weight of this thing is starting to hit me...I am done. It hasn't seemed real and now it's becoming so.

Well ok I have been out late a lot too but I don't think that's the only reason.

We're all tired and we're all wondering what it's going to be like once we step on the train or plane or whatever machine takes us out of Mongolia toward home.

First, for sure, I'll have a wonderful trip through China and to Barcelona. Then I'll head home for real and the "readjustment" will begin.

What will seem strange? Produce departments? Big green trees? Swimming pools? Who knows...I am sure every day will be a surprise.

For now though I am officially a tourist...PC extended my visa long enough for me to head west and that I am ready to do. Sunday morning I'll set out with two friends and some other travelers and we will live it up. I hear there may be good fishing..will have to see.

For now everyone take care and I will see you soon.